Adoption is a complex process with feelings that can be unique situationally and some that are universal to the experience. Birth parents will feel any combination of feelings, but like any loss, they will likely go through not only the stages of grief, but also, suffer from other effects of trauma that may not always be considered. Those who are not involved in the adoption triad can be quick to judge this situation and say that individuals should be prepared for this as they’ve made an adoption plan, but no plan can adequately prepare anyone for how they will mentally handle a situation they’ve yet to experience.
What are the Psychological Effects of Adoption on Birth Parents?
We know that adoptees go through a period for grief in many situations and this, too, applies to birth parents. While some akin the feelings of grief during adoption to that of the death of a child, there are both differences and similarities. There are the common emotions of shock and denial in many instances and the grief is often continuous as you go through holidays, birthdays, and the anniversary that you were last with your child each year.
Like any loss or traumatic experience, birth parents will typically go through the seven stages of grief, which are shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance. Though not everyone will go through all stages or experience them in this order, this is not uncommon for birth parents to experience. In what time they experience them differs. Not everyone grieves the same and for some, it can be harder to come out of depression during instances such as these.
Adoption is different from other losses in that birth parents can often feel a sense of shame or guilt to the stigma that is still sometimes attached with making an adoption plan for a child. If an adoption plan was not something that had been considered for a long time, if a birth parent had an identity attachment to parenting, being pregnant, or even looking forward to placing a child with a family who was unable to conceive, they might experience a sudden loss of identity. As with any loss, depression and anxiety can occur. Without support, these psychological effects can having lasting consequences and poor mental health for birth parents.
What can we do to Support Birth Parents post adoption placement?
Proper counseling before and after placement is important while making an adoption plan. Make sure to contact Adoption Choice, Inc. to find out what counseling is available to you or other birth parents you may know who are searching for someone to talk to. There are a plethora of resources available to birth parents, particularly birth mothers, that you can find here.
If you know birth parents, please consider reaching out to them to find out what they may need post placement. This may mean bringing them meals, sitting with them and listening to them talk, or simply being there as loneliness can creep in when one is depressed and anxious.
Overall, speaking to an adoption professional both before and after placement is critical to establish resources and a support system.