It is the hope of many that foster care would turn into a permanent placement. Though this happens for many people, it’s still important to remember that the goal of foster care is typically to provide a temporary home before reunification. However, we know this is not always the case, and should you be adopting from foster care, there are a few things you’ll want to do to ensure a smooth transition and to ease your child’s mind.
Let them Know the Placement is Permanent
It is possible that the child you are adopting has been in many different homes and might not fully believe that this placement is permanent. Explain the adoption process if they’re of age and how happy you are that they are joining your family. Let them know that they will be your child forever. You can learn more about permanency and how to discuss it here.
Set up A Routine–and Stick to It
You may have started a routine or you may have things scattered because of your previous situation. Creating a daily routine helps children know what to expect. Remember that they didn’t always know what was coming next based on their situation in foster care. This routine will help them feel established in your home and as a part of your family. To help make this easier, you may want to write this somewhere predominant in your home–and make sure its in your calendar as well. Sticking to this will be important for trust.
Meet with a Counselor
If you haven’t already, consider meeting with a counselor. This will help your child hear from someone else that they have a permanent placement and will help all of you work through any trauma, behavioral concerns, etc. as you learn how to work and live together. You might also want to allow your child to meet alone with a counselor to talk about their grief and other things that might be causing them anxiety.
Acknowledge Their Grief
The child that you’re adopting has had a family before you–a family that despite the circumstances surrounding their placement with you, they are likely to miss. They may go through the seven stages of grief and need your support. Pretending that their past doesn’t exist could cause more harm than good.
Consider Changes
You may have to make some changes to your life in order to better accommodate your child’s.
- Reevaluate their School: Was your child bullied previously due to their living conditions or because they were in foster care? Do they feel safe and comfortable in their school? It might be worth having the conversation and doing research to see what options are available for you should switching schools be an idea you both want to pursue.
- Enroll in Activities: If your child is not already in some sort of activity outside of the home and if they’ve come to you from a different location, you might want to consider this as a way to make friends. If there are foster care support groups in your area, find one for them. Maybe even enroll in a family activity so that your child can feel a greater sense of belonging.
- Representation Matters: Are you a transracial family? Your child should have mirrors in their community and see people that look like them. That could mean changing schools, finding a church where they are reflected, or finding a doctor who looks like them. We are a transracial family and this takes effort, but it is so worth it. My daughter is grateful that we’ve done this now that she’s at the age to realize that some of it was deliberate to better support her.
No transition will look the same, so if you know someone who is having a very easy time while you seem to be struggling, know that you’re doing everything right. Each situation is unique and trust takes time. For more information about a smooth transition from foster care to adoption, click here.